There is a constant overwhelming feeling of fear and worry when you love someone in active addiction. Whether it be a friend, child, parent or spouse the nightmare is the same. I say nightmare because that’s what it feels like, and anyone who has been in this position I’m sure would say the same.
When you love someone, who is actively in addiction you tend to blame yourself. Was there something I could have done to prevent this? I should have known, why didn’t I see this coming? While they refuse to take responsibility, they will proceed to tell you, and everyone around them it’s their fault. We may or may not know this, but we must understand that there is no control over an actively addicted mind. As much as we want to shake that person and ask them why. The truth is they don’t know why they allow their lives to spiral so far out of control. Most of the time when they do realize the damage has already been done.
Every addict has their own rock bottom, and even though we think about all the destruction, broken promises, this “nightmare” has caused. If they do not see it as their rock bottom and are willing to get help as their loved ones we cannot fix them. I know this from experience. I have been on both sides, the addict and loving an addict. Through my experiences loving an addict can be far more painful than being in active addiction. I am not trying to minimize what an addict goes through but for the loved ones, we stay up all hours of the night wondering if their okay. Try to put on a fake smile and hold it together just to make it through our work day. Continuously waiting for the dreaded phone call that they were in an accident or worse dead. While they are out running around, all we can do is sit wait, and hope they are safe, and pray for this to end.
For anyone who has a loved one in active addiction please remember this is not your fault, and you are not alone. We may need to love them from a far but they are still loved, and when they are willing and ready to receive help the best thing we can do is be there.
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